


Superheroes

by Vadianna



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anonymous Sex, Awkward Virgin Kylo Ren, Costumes, M/M, Oral Sex, both are Terrible People, handjobs, hidden identity, slightly rough sex, the helmets stay on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27088732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vadianna/pseuds/Vadianna
Summary: Kylo Ren is a connoisseur when it comes to accurate costumes and who he chooses to spend his time with. So when he meets a stranger at a party dressed like Judge Dredd from the comics - helovedthose comics - he just wants to get to know the guy better.Armitage Hux hates people, but loves anonymous hookups.It's awkward.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 36
Kudos: 179
Collections: Huxloween 2020





	Superheroes

**Author's Note:**

> A one-shot for [the costumes prompt](https://twitter.com/huxloween/status/1304202337221828609) of Huxloween.
> 
> They talk a lot about _Judge Dredd_ , and most of references are throwaways, but they do fight over the version of the comics they read. Hux reads the weekly installments in _2000AD_ , and Kylo read the 80s American reprints. The movie they're discussing is the 1995 version, which might be confusing. Also, at one point Kylo accuses Hux of "jimping," or Judge Impersonation (which Hux is obviously doing), a crime in the Judge Dredd-verse.
> 
> More specific content warnings in the endnotes.

Kylo had learned, long ago, that very few people appreciated his movie-accurate Darth Vader costume. When he went to these 'serious costumes only' parties with Phasma, he always hoped he’d meet someone that would realize all the work that went into a real Darth Vader piece, and they could talk about how good Kylo was at it. But everyone was always like Phasma - more into 'creativity,' and what the _next_ costume would be, and how hard it would be to make. Phasma had told him before that Darth Vader was boring, like her default costume wasn’t stormtrooper armor. It was _chrome_ , it wasn’t even 501st approved. And yet, she got compliments all the time, and people wouldn’t even talk to Kylo. They just liked shiny things.

This was the big Halloween party that the Arkanis cosplay group threw every year, complete with tons of Halloween flavor - natural and painted stalks of corn, wooden cut-outs painted with both traditional monsters and shit like Alucard, and about one hundred jack-o-lanterns all carved by people trying to outdo one another. The candles in those had to be some sort of fire hazard. The music was some live band, painfully making their way through both pop music and corny Halloween songs.

Kylo joined the Arkanis cosplay group after Phasma explained they only admitted members who were serious about what they made. Kylo had to admit that it was true, and he liked having more events to go to in his costume, but he still hadn't found any friends, other than Phasma.

The Halloween party was just for group members and their guests, so at least Kylo was spared all the half-assed flavor-of-the-month costumes he saw at every other convention and event. Kylo was absolutely sick of boring _The Boys_ costumes. Here, there was only one Billy Butcher, and he was pretty fucking good, even did a hot accent that sounded right. Kylo had tried to talk to him earlier, but he’d been brushed off in favor of Barbarella, of course. Kylo was staring sullenly at the couple from across the room, who were laughing and obviously flirting. Wouldn’t anyone who liked Billy Butcher be a psychopath? Kylo shouldn’t have even tried talking to him.

Annoyed, he glanced around, trying to spot Phasma. She wasn’t exactly hard to find, her height and chrome armor always made her stand out. Kylo scanned the room through his helmet and eventually found Phasma laughing in a group containing Thranduil and Handsome Jack. She had her helmet under one arm and a drink in her other hand. Kylo turned away. You weren’t supposed to take off the fucking helmet at stuff like this. That was the whole _point_. Phasma always laughed at him when he tried to explain that.

But it was hot inside the costumes. And most people only exchanged a few terse sentences with Kylo when they realized he had the weird speaker in his helmet. And a drink would certainly make things fucking better.

His eyes tracked across the room again - some sad rented high school gym, like everyone who came to these things didn’t have a cartload of baggage to drag to one - and his attention caught at the entrance as someone in custom red stormtrooper armor pushed through the crowd. Kylo glanced at Phasma, seeing that she’d spotted the person immediately and was now making her way over. Great. Someone else who didn’t know what color a stormtrooper was.

But as Kylo glowered, his gaze caught on the person that entered with the red stormtrooper.

Kylo nearly jogged to the door, knowing that Darth Vader would never do something that undignified, but he consoled himself by thinking about how his cape was probably billowing. At least a little.

“You like Judge Dredd?” he asked immediately, causing the other man to jump in surprise. He was wearing a fully replicated Judge Dredd costume, the only one that Kylo had ever seen. It was from the comics too, not the stripped-down _Dredd_ version, or the dark Versace bullshit, and it was _great_. Kylo wanted to know everything about it.

His question had come out flat and mechanical through his helmet speaker, and the man frowned behind his extremely accurate helmet, the face shield above his mouth opaque enough that Kylo couldn’t make out his eyes. Kylo towered over him, because he’d gotten the right kind of boots, and Phasma had measured him to be about 6’6” in costume. Kylo eyed the other man’s costume up and down from behind his own helmet, taking in the details as Judge Dredd turned away, watching Phasma lead the red stormtrooper away.

When the man answered, he sounded distracted and annoyed, and wasn’t looking at Kylo. “No. Who’s that?”

He had some sort of accent, maybe Irish, and Kylo grinned behind his helmet, glad it would conceal his expression. He decided to ignore the sarcasm. Maybe it had been a dumb question. “I’ve never met anyone else who liked him. I loved the movie when I was younger-”

“That movie was garbage,” the man interrupted. “Try harder.”

Kylo blinked. “I read the comics, too. All the ones I could find. I loved the cursed earth one.”

“Mmm,” the man replied shortly, still glancing around the room and not at Kylo. “There were a lot of those.”

“Come on, you know. The one with the dinosaurs.”

The man turned, the blank stare of his helmet finally fixing on him. Kylo was again impressed by it - the only visible parts of his face were the line of his jaw and his mouth, which was currently pursed in a scowl that did nothing to conceal his full lower lip. The tint that concealed his eyes fascinated Kylo. It made the man even more of a mystery, and Kylo admired that he was willing to make the eyeshield so opaque. He'd done his own darker than necessary, to make sure his eyes weren't visible in any lighting conditions. It was so dark that he needed help back to the car at night, so he knew what kind of sacrifice the man had made. He wanted to talk about it. 

But the other man was proving difficult to talk to. He stared at Kylo for a few awkward seconds before responding.

“They all had dinosaurs in them. You’ll need to be more specific.”

“You know, the one where Mega-City Two died in a plague, or whatever, and they showed Mount Rushmore with Jimmy Carter on it, and there was a rat man named Tweak-”

“Oh.” The man interrupted him, sounding unimpressed, and turned away again. “Right. That’s the one everyone knows.”

“But I read them all,” Kylo protested, growing impatient. He had never met anyone who’d read the comic before, nor anyone who was willing to read it after he told them to. He should have known the fans would be dicks. “The one with Judge Cal and Judge Goldfish, and the one with Judge Death.”

“Right.”

The man’s non-answer and obvious dismissal were annoying. “What,” Kylo burst out, gesturing with a black gloved hand. “You don’t like the comic? Did you just put that whole costume together because you were bored?”

It was so good. He had the green gloves, boots, and kneepads. The tight-fitting dark blue bodysuit that clung to his thighs. The belt with all the pouches on it. The right kind of Lawgiver gun. The giant gold eagle perched ostentatiously on one shoulder. The big ‘DREDD’ badge chained to his collar, with the gold zipper down the front of the bodysuit. The links of the chain were huge, and jangled together as he moved, so it must be real metal. The chrome gold accessories all caught in the light.

Kylo was jealous, wishing he’d thought to make a Judge Dredd costume. He would have filled it out more. The man was tall, but too slight to be a convincing Judge. There was no way he was kicking any ass. But that was fine with Kylo, who found himself curious about what this man looked like with the costume off. Kylo was once again thankful that his mask allowed him to check out the man’s ass in peace.

As if sensing Kylo’s straying thoughts, the man turned back around to face him, still sounding bored. “No. But I get tired of people telling me they liked that movie, and read the reprints when they were kids.”

“What else is there?”

“Jesus Christ,” the man uttered quietly, turning and walking away. Kylo followed him as Judge Dredd approached the punch bowl and quickly threw back a plastic cup. Kylo licked his lips. He was thirsty, and sweating more than usual after jogging through the crowd. He was tempted to take his helmet off to talk to this guy, who he really wanted to get to know. Mostly because he liked Judge Dredd, but partially because the tight pants and that mouth meant he couldn’t stop trying to picture him out of uniform. Which was _fine_ , he wasn’t being a creep or anything, but maybe they could be friends. Or something. He didn't seem to want to talk, but maybe it was because Kylo was too intimidating in costume. Maybe the helmet speaker was putting him off.

The high collar covered Judge Dredd’s throat, but Kylo liked what he could see of his lips and cheekbones. It was the only exposed skin on the man’s entire body. Kylo glanced around the room, then tried again, determined to make the guy see that they had something in common. He _had_ read the fucking comics, and loved them. If that was what the guy wanted, Kylo could talk about it.

“I was joking,” Kylo began. “I know a Judge Impersonator when I see one.” He paused. Should he drop his voice or something, to imply he was joking? He realized too late that the speaker made it weird. It probably didn't matter. “Isn’t jimping against the law?”

The man turned to him again, looking more interested. “I broke the law? What’s the sentence, Darth Vader?”

His tone of voice was lighter now, and Kylo thought more flirtatious, but he knew that was just wishful thinking. Kylo had to try hard to stop _a spanking_ from coming out of his mouth immediately. Though the mental image of this man bent over his knee, his tight pants around his thighs, Kylo’s gloved hand spanking his pale and probably perfect ass was a tempting one. The man's sarcasm and dismissive attitude also made it more appealing. 

But Kylo knew better. He glanced around the room, a little lost at how to proceed. Kylo was bad at flirting in general. He always came off too aggressive. _A spanking_ wouldn’t work on a good day, even if he was certain this guy was flirting with him. Kylo also wasn’t very creative, so it took him several moments to try and figure out how to respond in a Judge Dredd way. _What does the Book of Law say, Judge?_ might work, except he was wearing the stupid Darth Vader helmet, and couldn’t take it off.

Well, he was dressed as Darth Vader, right? So what about the Force? “The Laws of Man are insignificant next to the power of the Force. I am above such concerns.”

The other man stared at him for a long moment, and then turned away again. Damn. This was fucking hard. And the more Kylo thought about it, the more it seemed like the guy was trying to flirt with him, which would be too lucky. But he couldn’t think of how to ask, not dressed like Darth Vader, and not even if they’d been at a regular party, not wearing costumes. The guy probably wouldn’t have looked twice at him.

Judge Dredd took a sip of his drink, then turned back. “You a Judge Hershey fan?”

“Hershey?” Kylo was stumped. Like the chocolate. Then suddenly, he remembered. “Oh, you mean like Diane Lane? Judge Hershey, in the movie?”

The man’s mouth thinned again. Right, he didn’t like the movie. But it was exactly the opening Kylo was looking for, so he interrupted before the other man could speak. “No. I was more into Sylvester Stallone as a kid.”

“And now?”

“I saw Rambo five, and he’s kind of old-” Kylo stopped, and then realized what the other man might be asking. His heart started pounding. There was no fucking way, but… just in case. “I’m more into Karl Urban now.”

That wasn’t true, Karl Urban wasn’t his type, but he hoped that’s what the guy meant. He turned to glance around the room nervously, spotting the Billy Butcher from earlier, who didn’t really look like Karl Urban, and then scanned the room again before focusing back on Judge Dredd.

Judge Dredd stared for a moment. His mouth didn’t change, so Kylo couldn’t tell what he was thinking. There was no way this guy was flirting with him, no matter how much Kylo wanted it. Kylo was into his nice thighs and ass, and wanted to hear that mouth say filthy things with that hot Irish accent. But realistically, even if the guy was into men, there’d be no reason to bring it up now. He couldn’t check Kylo out in the Darth Vader costume. He wouldn’t be able to make out what he looked like, even though Kylo worked out a lot. He probably wouldn’t even be able to tell he was for sure a guy.

“I figured you’d be more into Dave.”

“Dave?” A man? A mutual acquaintance? Some Judge Dredd character? Kylo thought hard, but couldn’t remember any Daves.

“Yeah,” the man continued, sounding amused at Kylo’s confusion. But he kept talking with that voice of his, which was all Kylo wanted. “You know, the Mayor of Mega-City One. He was a martyr. Very heroic.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Kylo couldn’t figure out where this was going. “You thought I’d like Dave, because I like Darth Vader, and he sacrificed himself? No. Actually, when Darth Vader goes against the Emperor, I thought he really should have-”

“Whatever, look.” The other man stopped him with a hand out, making the chain on his collar clink quietly. “I’m not that into this. I came with my friend-” He waved a green-gloved hand at the stormtrooper in the red armor, “Normally I’d be bar hopping tonight. It’s Saturday.” 

He paused, studying Kylo. Kylo’s pulse sped up again. Bar-hopping? Like, he picked up people in bars? Men? 

When Kylo remained silent, the other man continued, speaking more slowly now. “So. I wasn’t planning on leaving with my friend tonight, is what I’m getting at.” 

Kylo stared at him. 

The other man gestured impatiently between them. “Do you want to have sex?”

“Sex?” Kylo blurted, stunned. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Not really. He just wanted to have a fucking conversation with this guy. And, like, he looked like he might be hot, but that never really went anywhere, in Kylo’s experience. No one had ever asked him if he wanted to _have sex_.

He meant to say yes, he really did, because who says no to that? Kylo had seen a lot of porn, and wondered if that’s how this was supposed to go. But he got defensive instead. “You can’t even tell if I’m a man or a woman! How did you know I’d be into that?”

The other man frowned. “Of course I know you’re a man. And I prefer men. And you’re by yourself here, so I know you’re single.” He gestured, as if the conclusion was obvious, as if he hadn’t just gutted Kylo by pointing out he didn’t have any friends. Which wasn’t true, because _Phasma_ , but she never hung out with him at parties.

“So? Lots of people are by themselves! If you wanted to sleep with someone, what about him?” Kylo pointed to a man, some sort of bodybuilder with a bad blonde wig that Phasma was chatting up now. He was dressed like Rocky Horror, ‘dressed’ being a loose description of what he was wearing. The tight gold bikini concealed nothing. He had to be someone’s guest, because there was no way he was a member of the group.

“No, see, he’s straight. He’s surrounded by women.” The other man pointed, and Kylo saw that it was true. “You are by yourself. And you keep looking over at him.”

That was true, but there was no way Judge Dredd could have noticed. Kylo took a step back, even more defensive. “I lift too. I was just seeing how he did it.”

“Right.” The other man sounded skeptical, but there wasn’t anything Kylo could say. He thought the helmet would hide the fact that he was trying to make out the head of Rocky’s dick through his bikini bottoms. But Judge Dredd was right, Kylo didn’t have to talk to that guy to know he was straight.

That was _beside the point_ , but Kylo was at a loss as to how to explain what was fucking wrong with this situation. Possibly because part of him was screaming just to _say yes._

The man continued, as if he hadn’t eviscerated Kylo thoroughly enough. “You’re alone and also into the space shit, so you’re probably not very good at picking up. I assumed you’d say yes. Also, I spoke to you for five minutes.”

Kylo probably should have been mortified by these observations, which were all eerily correct. His mind latched on to _I assumed you’d say yes_. That was the important part. Still, the rest of that was… a lot.

The other man stood in silence for a few moments, then finished his drink and set the cup down on a nearby table. “Well? Yes or no?”

“What do you mean, space shit?” Kylo asked, realizing that was the stupidest thing to say once it was out of his mouth. “It’s not like you didn’t spend however much time and money on a Judge Dredd costume.”

The other man made a dismissive gesture, making the chain clink again. “What I do with my free time and money is none of your business. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Kylo replied after a moment, feeling his face heat. The other man nodded, then glanced around, gestured, and walked away, out a side exit that had been partially blocked by a table. Kylo hesitated a moment, still a little stung by Judge Dredd's insults, but followed anyway.

They walked down a dark and deserted school hallway, looking every bit like a horror movie - lined with personalized lockers, Halloween decorations, and ancient trophy cases along with dusty school spirit banners.

“Where are we going? I thought we were…” Kylo trailed off, unable to even say it, in case he’d somehow misunderstood. Walking through a high school hall dressed as Darth Vader, following someone dressed as Judge Dredd, was unreal enough. The idea that they were on their way to have sex seemed almost too ridiculous.

“We are.” The other man said, then glanced over his shoulder. “Having sex,” he clarified, studying Kylo for a moment before facing front. 

Kylo’s face burned underneath his helmet. It was like this guy could see straight through him. Kylo was nearly out of his mind, and the guy would probably make him say out loud that he’d never had sex before. He’d never even had someone who wanted to kiss him. Kylo had never had much luck with this shit. But he had watched a lot of it happen. How hard could it be to suck a real dick, after all? He’d fantasized about it plenty of times. He had a rubber one that got plenty of use. It was probably the same thing.

And… like, Kylo was bigger, so the other guy probably wanted fucked, right? Maybe he wouldn’t want his dick sucked very long? Kylo would have to tell him he wanted to see him prep himself, or whatever, because he wasn't entirely sure how to do that to another dude. Plus, watching would be hot. There probably wasn’t too much to it after that, as long as the guy was comfortable.

“Why can’t we use the front door?” Kylo finally asked, after his thoughts came back around to picturing fucking this guy’s narrow ass and thighs from behind.

“Because we’re doing it here.”

“Here?” Kylo got even more nervous, glancing around to see if anyone had spotted them. “In the school? Is this a fantasy of yours?”

“No. But we need to do it somewhere. I’m certainly not bringing you back to my place, and I don’t want to know what yours looks like. And I’m not going to bother splitting a hotel with you. We won’t need it.”

“You don’t know that,” Kylo protested, walking faster to catch up to Judge Dredd's side.

The other man glanced over, then forward again. “How long are you going to last?”

“I…” Kylo had no idea. “Long enough. All night.” He was thankful for the helmet speaker, which made that sound more true than it was.

“Right.” The other man smirked, then thinned his lips again. He stopped abruptly in front of a classroom door, jiggling the handle. It was locked, and the man cursed colorfully as he twisted the handle and knocked his fist against the lock. The building was old, and both the lock and handle looked straight from the 1940s.

The man’s cursing had revived Kylo’s fantasies about hearing it as he fucked him, but Kylo grew tense, glancing around again and waiting for someone to emerge and accuse them of breaking and entering. That was the last fucking thing he needed.

“Hey, I’m not that into-” 

The other man got the door open, and yanked Kylo into the room by his belt, closing the door quickly behind them and turning on the flickering overhead lights.

“What the fuck are we doing in here?” Kylo hissed, though it came out at a regular speaking volume through his helmet, somewhat comically so. He wasn’t supposed to swear when wearing the helmet either, though he thought Darth Vader had plenty to swear about.

“Cardinal’s classroom,” the man said, by way of explanation, gesturing to the slightly dusty wood floor, the green board at the front behind the large teacher's desk, the American flag, the rows of small desks, all of it. “Convenient.”

“Cardinal? Is Cardinal a person? You’ve been in here before?”

“Yes. I’ve been here before. Yes, Cardinal is a person. Cardinal is the one who forced me to come here tonight. He works here.” Judge Dredd began pushing Kylo backwards, toward the large uncluttered teacher’s desk.

“He’s…” Kylo’s mind was spinning. They’d just broken into a school classroom. There was a fish tank below the window. He was at a costume party, and Judge Dredd was getting closer. He’d never done this before. There was a hot Irish dude inside the costume that wanted to have sex with Kylo.

“He’s not your boyfriend, is he?” Kylo asked suspiciously, suddenly realizing that this man was kind of a douchebag.

The other man paused, exhaling an abrupt laugh. “Fuck no,” he said, pushing Kylo again until his thighs collided with the desk. He was sweating heavily in his costume now, cursing all the layers, the authentically weathered leather suit and the robe and the fucking chestplate and cape.

“Who is he?” Kylo asked, stalling, growing alarmed now that this was _happening_ and babbling ridiculously through the helmet speaker.

“Doesn’t matter. We grew up together.”

“You’re… friends,” Kylo said, sweating, leaning back on his arms as the other man seemed to eagerly begin feeling around the metal boxes on his chest and belt. “Have you two had sex before?”

The other man glanced up, more annoyed now. “Do you want my list of fuckbuddies? This isn’t a proposal. I want to suck your dick until you come immediately in my mouth, like I know you will, and then I want to fuck you once you’re over that.”

“I-” Kylo stammered, glossing over the last part of that, because it was too much, and latching onto the insult. “I told you, I can last-”

“Just, fucking-” The man slapped the chestplate on the front of Kylo’s costume, the fake breathing apparatus. “How do you get into the pants? Why is your belt so fucking complicated?”

Kylo fumbled with the belt boxes himself - there were two metal ones, and he’d followed the instructions exactly - the red lights were flat, there weren’t any chrome or bezeled mounts, the backs were detachable. He opened his mouth to explain that, then closed it, knowing Judge Dredd would only make fun of him. His hands were shaking, and it took longer than it should have to slide them off. “You have to take these off first,” he explained, setting them aside, aware he was babbling. “To get at the belt.”

“How do you piss?” The man asked absently, tearing at the buckle now.

“Do you think I drink anything when I’m dressed like this? I’m fucking sweating balls, dude. My codpiece is a tiny lake at this point.”

“What the _fuck_ , that’s disgusting,” Judge Dredd replied, his lips twitching in disgust. Kylo realized too late that it was a mood killer as the man grunted in frustration again. “Why the fuck are you wearing a codpiece?”

“It’s not like I'm hiding it! You can fucking see it below the belt!” Kylo fumbled with it, he’d taken care to make sure the fasteners were hidden by his robe and weren’t visible at any time. He was proud of it. He said the only thing that came to him as he removed it. “I don’t have to pad it.”

“Jesus,” the other man said, once Kylo had it off and his cock out. Judge Dredd hadn’t taken off his green gloves, and he was kneeling on his costume’s convenient kneepads. Kylo realized Judge Dredd was going to blow him kneeling on the floor, in full costume. 

“Wait!” he said as the man began unzipping the fly on his own body suit. The man glanced up, annoyed, and Kylo licked his lips nervously. “I mean… I can’t see you do it like that, right? Can’t you take off the helmet?”

“We leave the helmets on.”

Kylo was stunned. “What? You don’t even know what I look like under the costume! Why would you be getting anything at all from this?”

“I keep asking myself that. Anyway, that’s the fucking point. You don’t know what I look like, either.”

“What if you’re hot?” Kylo protested.

“What if you’re not?”

There was nothing Kylo could say to that particular slap to the face. He tried a weak defense. “I can’t fucking breathe in this thing,” he snapped. “And hearing me through this speaker can’t be hot.”

“Do you think the dumb shit you’re saying would sound any better in your regular voice? Really?”

His mouth and lips were so cruel, but Kylo’s cock throbbed at the insult, and he braced himself against the desk as he leaned back. He was too angry to respond, and the guy would probably only make fun of him anyway.

Apparently satisfied, the man gripped Kylo’s dick in a businesslike gloved hand and began sucking on the head, licking the dribbling precome clean with a few firm swipes of his pink tongue before sinking down deeper, his lips stretching over the girth of Kylo's cock.

Kylo had never had anyone blow him before, and he’d always imagined it felt good, but hadn’t really imagined _this_. That fucking mouth of his was every bit as talented as Kylo imagined, and even better. As he worked his mouth up and down the shaft, he pressed his tongue along the underside of Kylo’s cock. He sucked tight, his mouth hot, his lips occasionally pulling back from his perfect teeth as he teased the head. He was doing it fast and hard, Kylo wished he would slow down. Kylo wanted to tell him, but he was moaning, and having trouble sucking in enough breath through his helmet. It was getting even more humid inside of it, and he could feel sweat and condensed breath running down his face and neck. He licked the moisture from his lips. It was disgusting, but nothing could really distract him from what the kneeling faceless dude was doing to his dick.

Kylo put one hand to the back of the other man’s head to steady himself, but Judge Dredd swatted it away, and Kylo bunched a fist at his side ineffectually. “I’m- I’m going to-”

“What?” The other man muttered incredulously, pulling off and squeezing Kylo’s cock slightly too hard. “I haven’t even deepthroated you yet, you’re so big. I’ve sucked you five times tops.”

Kylo was panting too hard to respond, his eyes clenched shut, willing himself not to blow a load into this asshole’s face. 

“You’re serious. Alright. How soon can you manage again?” Judge Dredd sounded annoyed, and vaguely angry. Kylo calmed himself enough to crack his eyes and see the other man sitting back on his heels, his mouth tightened into a scowl.

“I don’t- I don’t know, is there, like, a trashcan, I really need-”

“You want to come in the trashcan? No accounting for taste.” He sounded amused. “I have a condom. Let me put it on you, and you can come in my mouth.”

The thought of this man letting him come in his mouth was almost too much, and he nearly came onto his face shield again. Kylo made a high noise through the vocalizer of his helmet as the other man went into one of the pouches on his Judge Dredd belt and withdrew a foil-wrapped condom and another small packet.

“Aren’t you- you’ll have to take your gloves off to use a condom,” Kylo said, nearly triumphant that he’d at least get to see the asshole’s hands. Though he wasn’t entirely sure he’d survive if the man had the kind of soft, long-fingered hands with neat manicured nails that Kylo often fantasized about. His Pornhub search history was full of skinny redheads and nice handjobs.

The pretty lips pursed again, and he shook his head. “I don’t need to take my gloves off.” Before Kylo could brace himself, the man tore open the condom packet with his teeth, sucked the condom into his mouth, then grabbed Kylo’s cock again and swallowed it to the root in one motion.

Kylo hated that ‘guy dressed as Judge Dredd rolling a condom on with his mouth’ could make him come so hard. There was probably something wrong with him. But it didn’t matter, because it was _great_. He lost control of himself as soon as he realized what was happening, before the stranger’s mouth was even to the base of his cock. Kylo moaned long and loud through his helmet, hearing the small speaker rattle inside it. He hoped no one else was walking down the hall outside. A small part of his mind was also worried he was about to pass out, because every nerve in his body had tensed with the orgasm, and he was far too overwhelmed with whatever this was.

He was able to stop himself from further embarrassment by falling on the guy, though. When he finally recovered enough to open his eyes, he saw Judge Dredd holding the condom between two gloved fingers, his lips pressed together in disapproval again. He had lube from the condom smeared around his mouth, it glistened in the harsh overhead light of the room.

“If I wasn’t certain you were a virgin, I am now. You came before I had the condom all the way on.”

“Sorry,” Kylo muttered, not meaning it. “I wasn’t expecting you to do it with your mouth, and it was super-hot.” He paused. “Also, that doesn’t mean I’m a virgin.”

“I hope it does. I just had to swallow.”

“Shit. Look, I’ve been… tested, since my last… uh, guy. I’m fine.”

“I’m sure you are.” The other man flicked the used condom into a tiny trashcan near the desk, then stood and began tucking his cock back into his pants.

“Wait. Didn’t you say you were going to fuck me?”

The other man managed to sneer as he zipped himself up and began rearranging his belt. “You were even more disappointing than I expected. And I need an engineering degree to take your clothes off. So, no.”

“Wait.” Kylo stepped closer. He should just let this asshole go. All of this was a bad idea. Under normal circumstances, Kylo probably would have punched him by now for talking so much shit. But part of him liked that the guy didn’t have a filter. Kylo didn't, either. Plus, Kylo was still reeling from the blowjob, and that was almost worth forgiving him for everything else. “I can do it. You won’t be disappointed.” 

“ _You won't be disappointed_ ," Judge Dredd repeated, mocking Kylo's accent. "Is that some sort of Darth Vader joke? Do you honestly think that will change my mind?”

It wasn’t, and Kylo was getting frustrated. It couldn’t be that hard to get this dude's pants off. He wasn’t going to pass up the chance. “At least let me blow you.” He placed his fingers on his helmet, ready to take it off. The other man grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

“I don’t want your mouth anywhere near my cock.” He paused, the corners of his mouth turning down. “You’ll choke on your aspirations.”

It took Kylo a second to parse that. His mouth dropped open inside his helmet, and he got angry again. “Seriously? The worst Darth Vader line?”

“It was low hanging fruit.”

The man’s mouth wasn’t smiling, and his tone of voice didn’t indicate he was joking, or even being particularly kind to Kylo. Kylo pulled his wrists back, furious.

“No reward is worth this,” he muttered. “I just want to give you a blowjob! You gave one to me, so why the fuck can’t I reciprocate?”

The other man shook his head. “You haven’t been properly trained, have you?”

The thought of being _trained_ by this stranger, and his accent and cruel mouth and his gloved hands, made desire curl in Kylo gut, despite his anger. He filed that information away for later, hating that he apparently had a thing for assholes mocking him.

“It’s not like I don’t know what feels good. I’m just going to suck it and lick it.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. _Suck it and lick it_. You're serious.”

“Do you not want me to take my helmet off? Are you really that worried that you blew a dude with an ugly face? I promise, I’m pretty average, I’m not going to scare you or anything.”

“I’m sure everything’s where it should be. I-” The man placed his hands on Kylo’s shoulders when Kylo tried to lunge forward in protest, then ran his hands down Kylo’s biceps. Kylo paused as he continued to run his hands over the front of his costume, around the chestplate, feeling where the fabric was thinnest. “Hm. Well. You aren’t wearing padding underneath this, are you?”

“No,” Kylo said, almost insulted. “I lift. I told you back at the party.”

“I thought you were lying about that. But I see that you do.” The man crouched and ran his hands down Kylo’s thighs, then back up to his ass. Kylo bit back a comment about getting felt up - if the other man was feeling him up, he wasn’t leaving, or kicking Kylo out, or whatever he was about to do. It meant Kylo had a chance. It meant they might be able to take the costumes off. Though, getting felt up sucked when the other dude was wearing gloves, and Kylo was wearing three layers and a bunch of accessories. He could barely feel the pressure of Judge Dredd's hands, and he imagined again what they’d look like with the gloves off. How they’d feel, soft against his skin.

Also, the costume covered most of his chest and abs, which was a shame, because Kylo was proud of those. “The suit comes off, I promise.”

The mouth compressed into a line, then twisted into a full-on sneer that made Kylo smile. He was getting used to the asshole after all. “And you wonder why I won’t let you blow me.”

“I’d shut up if you gave my mouth something else to do.”

The man took one hand away, then ran his other palm down Kylo’s chest again, over the chestplate. “No. That’s a little too advanced for you. But you can do this for me. Since you didn’t even last long enough for me to get myself off, you can do it for me.”

“Sure,” Kylo agreed immediately. He hadn’t gotten a good look at the other man’s cock yet. “Can I at least take my gloves off for that? I don’t want to ruin them.”

“I ruined mine.”

“Yours aren’t leather.”

The other man sneered again, then went back into his belt pouch. “How can you tell?”

“Because you used them with lube. You can probably wash them off, they must be synthetic.”

“Jesus Christ,” the other man muttered. “Yes, take the fucking gloves off. And shut up. I don’t need you talking to remind me it’s you.”

“I’m dressed as Darth Vader. Are you going to close your eyes and pretend I’m someone else?” Kylo asked, strangely stung by the idea.

“If it isn’t clear to you already, I prefer faceless strangers.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes, hidden by his helmet, but didn’t comment as he pulled his gloves off. 

The man made a considering sound in his throat, and frowned. “Oh. Your gloves aren’t padded, either.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kylo protested, getting angry again. This almost wasn’t worth it, especially now that he realized strangers were what turned the guy on, and not Kylo specifically. There wasn’t going to be a second round.

“It means your hands are large,” the other man snapped. “Here. I’m sure you’re bright enough to use this.”

He threw a packet at Kylo’s chest. Lube. Kylo glanced back into the red and blue Judge Dredd helmet, leering in the safety of his own and feeling more bold now. “Not gonna open this one with your teeth?”

“This one’s for me, not you.” The other man was opening the front of his pants again, and this time Kylo watched, absently opening the packet and lubing up his fingers as he studied the man’s half hard cock.

It was a nice cock. Uncut, Kylo noticed right away. God, he loved that. That was another thing he looked up in porn all the time. But also-

“Are you a redhead? Seriously?” Kylo caught a glimpse of light ginger pubes. A slim redheaded dude with an Irish accent? Kylo badly wanted to see his face. God, he could probably get himself off for the rest of his life with the thought of being blown by this hateful dude if he got to see his face.

“No.” Judge Dredd turned around, pressing his thighs into the front of the desk. “Like this. Reach around. Can you manage?”

Kylo did, eagerly. He pressed his body into Judge Dredd’s from behind, chest to thigh, which wound up being far more awkward than he’d thought. The chestplate on the front of his costume got in the way, pressing painfully into his own chest and probably the other guy’s back - his costume was more of a bodysuit, and didn’t have a lot of layers. The helmets were awkward too, and Kylo’s boots didn’t make him as tall as he would have liked. The guy might be the same height as Kylo. But Kylo made it work. Judge Dredd was slim and small compared to Kylo, so his arms went around him easily, his chest tightly squeezed between Kylo’s arms. It felt like Kylo would crush him.

“Is this okay?” Kylo asked, tentatively taking hold of the other man’s dick. His hand was slick, and he could feel his grip engulfing it. He felt bad about it, even as he was marveling at how hard Judge Dredd was for him, and how hot his cock felt in Kylo's hand. Maybe that’s what the other guy had meant by big hands? Was this dude worried that Kylo would think he had a small dick? Should Kylo ask? Tell him he didn’t care?

“You backed off. Press into me again.”

Kylo hesitated, then did what Judge Dredd asked. He pressed from behind, more tightly from the waist down, where there were less layers between them. He felt the other man’s thighs hot against his own, and could feel how they were pinned solidly to the front of the desk. Kylo was getting hard again, though he thought his codpiece probably hid it from the other guy. The boxes and other shit on the front of Kylo’s costume were still painful though, and the huge fucking eagle on Judge Dredd’s shoulder and both helmets made everything more awkward. Kylo managed to arrange his helmet over the non-eagle shoulder, and didn’t know what the hell to do with his free hand.

“Like this?”

“Yeah. You can start.”

Kylo thumbed at the tip of the stranger’s dick, then curled his index finger and ran it experimentally down the length. Though he masturbated quite regularly, he found himself wondering just what the hell to do to another dude. Did Judge Dredd like it the same as him? Kylo gave his hard cock a squeeze, then wrapped his hand around more firmly, thumbing at the tip again.

“Harder,” the other man ordered, sounding more angry. “Faster. Pin my wrists to the desk with your other hand.”

“What?” Kylo asked, confused, before Judge Dredd positioned his wrists together in front of him, bending over slightly. The bending made things a little more awkward, but Kylo understood what he wanted. He wrapped his free hand around Judge Dredd’s wrists, then started jerking his cock faster.

“Like this?”

“Stop asking. Yes, that’s- harder than that, and faster.”

Kylo complied, the man’s cock slipping freely in his palm now. Kylo was confused by the instructions. He generally liked to take his time with this. He was going so fast and hard that he didn't think it could possibly feel good. Plus, they would need more lube if it took longer than a minute or two.

“Do you like this?” he asked, still unsure.

The other man grunted, and Kylo could hear him panting slightly, could feel his chest expanding between his arms. “Ah, no, don’t ask me if I _like_ it. Tell me you don’t care if I like it, that you’re doing this to me. You understand?”

That was even weirder. Did the guy want Kylo to act like he was forcing him? Well, that made sense, with leaning against him and pinning him to the desk. Kylo could do that.

“I don’t,” Kylo began. “Care if you like this. You know that, don’t you? Why would I? You shot your mouth off, and look what happened to you.” Kylo wasn’t sure what the other man was imagining here, and dirty talk wasn’t really something he’d ever done. 

But he could feel the other man’s breath hitch, so he was encouraged. “I don’t know why I’m wasting my time on you. You don’t deserve it. I should force you down on your knees and choke you with my big cock again. Would you like that?”

The other man made a noise in response. Kylo was on a roll. He squeezed the man’s cock harder, and he could feel the man trembling between his arms, jerking against Kylo’s hold against his wrists. “I don’t care if you’d like that. With my cock in your mouth, I wouldn’t have to listen to you. I’d put my hand on the back of your head, pull your hair so you had to look into my face, and hold you there until-”

The other man moaned, and came, which was good because Kylo was running out of things to say, and had verged into his own fantasy. Kylo’s dick was definitely hard again. He badly wanted another round, but wasn’t sure he could manage in the costume. He was sweating hard. It would smell even worse than usual after this, and Kylo hated having to clean it.

He held the other man’s cock as it pulsed, spilling onto the glass top of the desk. Kylo loved the feeling of it in his hand, and liked even more that he had brought the stranger to this. He released his wrists, and Judge Dredd braced himself against the edge of the desk as he caught his breath.

“You can let go of me now,” he said thinly, and Kylo was reminded that Judge Dredd was an asshole. He backed off, hands up, and the other guy turned around, leaning against the desk.

“Was that what you wanted, or what?” Kylo asked, a little defensively.

“It was fine,” the stranger replied, sounding annoyed, and his mouth pressed again. “You do have large hands, don’t you?”

“I guess?” Kylo reached past him to retrieve his gloves and the boxes for his belt from the desktop. As he got his costume back in order, he watched the other man perfunctorily tuck himself back in and straighten his costume, then wipe at the mess on the desktop with a single tissue, smearing it around before tossing it into the small trashcan again. 

He turned to face Kylo. “We’re done here.”

Kylo huffed. “Whatever.”

He shouldn't expect anything else from Judge Dredd. The guy had said he liked strangers, and refused to take his helmet off, and told Kylo he wasn’t allowed to blow him. But he’d also said he liked how big Kylo was, and probably liked his hands. Kylo was going to follow him around for the rest of the night, and maybe he would crack and ask Kylo out.

They couldn’t do much more in the classroom anyway. Kylo was very sweaty. He could feel his pants chafing against his thighs, and the condensation from his breath inside the helmet was fogging everything up and running down his nose and chin again. His hair was soaked with sweat. He felt miserable. He considered taking the helmet off, but as he debated, he followed the other man out of the classroom and back down the hallway, and they soon emerged back into the crowd of costumed partygoers. And he couldn’t take it off at the party. There were rules.

Being suddenly back in the dim gymnasium among the crowds of costumed characters was like being in a different world, one where he hadn’t gotten a blowjob in a high school classroom from some asshole Judge Dredd. The further he moved through the crowd, the more impossible it seemed. And the Judge Dredd guy didn’t seem like the type that wanted to talk about it after.

Miserably, he followed Judge Dredd to the drinks table, watching him down two paper cups of punch before he rejoined his friend in the red stormtrooper armor, who was still with Phasma. Phasma still wasn’t wearing her helmet, and seemed to be enjoying the other guy’s company. Kylo wondered why she even bothered bringing the helmet with her.

The red stormtrooper did a double-take when Judge Dredd walked up. “Armitage! What the fuck, man? Where did you go?”

“Armitage,” Kylo repeated, searing the name into his memory. Armitage, in his blue and red Judge Dredd helmet, looked over his shoulder at Kylo, his lips pressed together again, before turning back to the red stormtrooper.

“Doesn’t matter, Cardinal. Just mingling.”

“You hate mingling,” the other man - Cardinal, and Kylo realized Armitage had just come all over his desk - retorted, his voice filtered through the helmet. He had a more mild version of Armitage’s accent. Before Armitage could respond, Phasma cut in.

“You were gone too, Kylo. Were you with Armitage? Did you actually find someone to talk to this time?”

“Yeah,” Kylo confirmed, more enthusiastically than he’d intended. “I’ve never met anyone else that reads Judge Dredd.”

“You don’t,” Armitage replied shortly, turning back to him. “The American reprints hardly count.”

“They do,” Kylo snapped back, getting angry about it again. “And what is that supposed to mean? American reprints?”

“Armitage loves _2000AD_ ,” Cardinal explained. “It’s his only hobby, besides working.”

“What’s _2000AD_?” Kylo asked, at the same time Armitage raised his voice to reply icily “I hardly even read them anymore.”

“You should see his place,” Cardinal went on. “He’s got all two thousand issues. Graphic novels. He’s got a second bedroom that looks like a Reddit mancave.”

“I’m not into the comic nerd bullshit,” Phasma dismissed. Kylo wanted to ask who gave a shit about her comic opinion, but Phasma was his ride home.

“There’s two thousand issues of Judge Dredd?” Kylo asked instead, still hung up on whatever the other two had been talking about. "There aren't. I would have heard about them."

"Obviously not," Armitage muttered.

"Yeah, it comes out every week," Cardinal explained, sounding pleased at the chance to lecture Kylo. "There's been a chapter a week since the seventies. I used to love it when I was a kid. Armitage never grew out of it." Cardinal slapped Armitage on the back, and Armitage looked annoyed.

"It comes out _every week_?" Kylo asked, incredulous. "Nothing comes out every week."

"It does in Britain," Armitage clarified, still sounding angry.

"No it doesn't. Judge Dredd is American." Kylo glanced between Armitage and Cardinal, waiting for them to admit they were fucking with him.

Cardinal snorted. "Judge Dredd is American, but the comic isn't. Do you think Americans came up with Murphyville?"

Armitage's mouth opened, then closed before he spoke again. "Do you think Americans wrote Americans as that stupid?"

"They aren't stupid," Kylo said defensively, then tried to remember if they were. "I mean, there was an apocalypse, so it makes sense that everything's so... uh." He paused, suddenly remembering a story about how people ate so much candy that they had to outlaw it. "I mean, yeah, they're lawless, I guess, but the Judges take care of them, because life is a lot harder."

Both Armitage and Cardinal stared silently for an awkward moment.

"You think the Judge system is a good idea?" Armitage finally asked, incredulous. "They're _fascists_."

"It's satire," Cardinal clarified, shaking his head.

"Satire's lost on Kylo," Phasma interrupted, having left and returned with a plate of food. Kylo glanced back to the refreshments table, where Phasma had left her helmet.

"I know it's supposed to be funny!" Kylo insisted. "Give me a fucking break. I read them a long time ago."

"Yes!" Phasma exclaimed, slapping Kylo on the back and turning to Cardinal. "You got him to swear in his costume! I've never been able to do that."

Kylo felt humiliated, and should have been more embarrassed, but there wasn't anything he could say in his defense. Also, he was still trying to process what they'd told him. "So Judge Dredd comes out every week? And there's two thousand issues? And you have them all, Armitage?"

“Don’t call me that,” Armitage snapped. “My name is Hux.”

“You said not to call you that at events,” Cardinal replied, his voice flatter. “I thought you were afraid of people finding out you have fun.”

“Do you think I’m having fun? Really?”

“I had fun,” Kylo interjected. “And I want to read Judge Dredd. Can I borrow them?”

Hux stared, his mouth pressing into the annoyed line again. Cardinal answered for him. “He won’t loan them, I bet. He loves them too much. You’ll have to go to his place.” He turned and began walking away, tugging on Phasma's arm, who followed him. “You don’t read comics? Not even Star Wars?”

“Fuck no, all that’s hard to follow. I just buy them sometimes for costume references.” The two of them walked off, Cardinal removing his helmet to reveal dark, close-cropped hair styled almost identically to Phasma’s. 

“I guess I’m going to your place, then.” Kylo, feeling bold, rested his hand on Hux’s left shoulder, and squeezed as hard as he could. He felt Hux tremble a bit below his grip, and he grinned behind his helmet. “I’m told I haven’t been trained yet. I’m also not good at being taught.” This was true, as every member of his family, every teacher he’d had, and every employer he’d worked for could attest. “I get frustrated easily. And I’m not sure you’d like that.” Kylo cocked his head. “Or maybe you would.”

Hux stared at him. “Well. First thing. Don't talk to me about Judge Dredd until you've actually read it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Both Kylo and Hux are terrible, judgmental people in this fic. Kylo is critical of how other people make costumes at the beginning, and decides that one man is a psychopath based on a character he likes. Hux makes several disparaging remarks about Kylo being a virgin, his hobbies being an indicator of this, etc. They mostly only interact with each other, so they aren't inflicting their assumptions on others.
> 
> The sex is pretty straightforward. There is a condom failure during the blowjob (Kylo comes too early). Hux again accuses Kylo of being a virgin, and uses that as an excuse not to worry about safe sex. Hux asks Kylo for something like a light noncon fantasy, which I didn't feel was intense enough to tag - Hux gets off on both of them being strangers, and he coaches Kylo on how to give him a rough handjob from behind and asks for some brief and fairly mild dirty talk where Kylo pretends he doesn't care what Hux thinks of the handjob, he wants to pull Hux's hair and choke him with his dick, etc.
> 
> Near the end, they're having a conversation about the _Judge Dredd_ comics where Kylo tries to defend himself by agreeing with the Judge system, and Hux calls him a fascist. Kylo denies that, and they don't go into any more detail.


End file.
